


The Dead Life

by Lorem_Yipsum



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Animal Abuse, Dark Comedy, Dark Magic, Humor, M/M, Necromancy, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorem_Yipsum/pseuds/Lorem_Yipsum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dark Magic AU:<br/>Mingyu kills to attract the attractive necromancer Wonwoo who has to clean up after him. He's too shy to ask him out but killing is hard. Thus he kills his dog. Multiple times.<br/>Jihoon hates being cute and in love, but he can't help that he is. Featuring Jihoon as a witch and Seungcheol as... you'll see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bewitched

 [](http://s989.photobucket.com/user/Dominik_Dillhof/media/The%20Dead%20Life%20401x640_zpshld7up6a.jpg.html)

 

“How many times have you killed now?“

“Um… this is the fourth one, I think? It was an accident.”

Wonwoo sighed. “Of course, of course. Have you always been this clumsy?”

Not wanting to admit anything that could be held against him, Mingyu shrugged. He looked back and forth between the sexy pet-necromancer named Wonwoo and the concrete between his own feet as he fidgeted in front of his apartment complex. He didn’t know where to put his hands and on which leg to balance his weight so he figured he looked about as nervous as he felt.

The first time had _really_ been an honest mistake. He had backed up over Snowball on his way to work. After the resurrection he knew he had to see the neighborhood necromancer again. And he just couldn’t think of another way but to drive over poor Snowball again.

It was all Jeon Wonwoo’s fault, really. With every time they met, the man just got hotter. The work uniform – a tight, black ensemble - hugged his figure magnificently. Today he was wearing eye liner for whatever godforsaken reason and Mingyu could practically sense his very own love hormones clump up in his arteries.

“I’m sorry to take up so much of your time, mister Jeon.”

“Oh please, it’s my job. Your insurance isn’t going to be too happy, though. But whatever, there are worse cases. I have this woman who keeps forgetting to feed her goldfish. Had to rez it eleven times before she just flushed it down the- actually, that’s confidential information. Tell you what, mister… erm.”

“Mingyu. Just call me Mingyu.” Beaming with a smile so bright he might as well have held a sign that said ‘I have a massive f***ing crush on you’ the lanky boy helped the post mortem veterinarian to drag Snowball’s cooling corpse onto the small-dog-sized plastic plane with the standardized pentagram on it that Wonwoo had spread next to the driveway.

“Right, Mingyu. Guess we can skip the formalities by now. I’m Wonwoo.”

“I know,” Mingyu said, pointing to the necromancer’s name tag and feeling like he had just commited the dumbest blunder possible. Wonwoo chuckled though, making him feel still stupid but also like he was on top of the world.

His eyes on the dog, Wonwoo bit his lower lip in the most attractive manner achievable when one is examining an animal with a tire track across its hide.

“The brain is intact. I’d say a simple reanimation should do. Unless one of the minor demons encounters a complication with the squished organs it shouldn’t take longer than five minutes.”

‘Too bad,’ Mingyu though.

“That’s great,” he said instead.

Impressively it only took about half a minute of chanting in trance to get the attending demons’ attention. More impressively Wonwoo could go into trance standing up. The pentagram was glowing.

“So…” Mingyu tried to make small talk. This time he would talk to the man. Not like the last time. Or the time before. This time he would really do it. Maybe even ask him out. “You’re a pretty good servant of the dark lord, huh? Really found your calling.”

“Nah, I kind of stumbled into the whole necromancy thing.” Wonwoo held his arms spread over the dog whose body began to inflate where it had been under the tires. “I was a goth in high school – even though everyone insisted is was emo. Dabbled in the dark arts – I mean, who hasn’t.”

“Yeah sure,” Mingyu said, nodding along even though he was well aware he personally wouldn’t have been able to tell ectoplasmic discharge from astral energy if his life depended on it.

Wonwoo continued. “I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere which gives me an edge when it comes to trancing. Plus, I have a deep voice. The dark creatures are a lot likelier to listen to someone who sounds …well, demonic.”

“Yeah, your voice is deep,” Mingyu confirmed helpfully, cringing inward at his mindless blabbering. If he didn’t soon get his mouth to stay closed he’d have to find someone to curse it shut.

Snowball looked almost alive already. Except for the lack of breathing. Its legs twitched and Mingyu yelped in surprise. This part got him every time.

The conversation had lost all impetus. Mingyu let the necromancer do his work in silence, chastising himself for being stupid. The longer the silence lasted, the more desperately he wanted to break it, but it got harder and harder to think of something to say that would warrant speaking up after a few minutes of quiet.

He could have kicked himself. At this rate he was never going to ask the hot dark wizard out. Why the eyeliner? If it wasn’t for the eyeliner he wouldn’t be so distracted. For sure. Everything sucked.

Oh well, there was always a next time. Poor Snowball.

 

***

 

“Again, Jihoon?”

The short man flinched and minimized the internet window. “I wasn’t- It was just- Ugh.”

Jihoon buried his head in his hands. Mingyu stood behind him and thought about what to say. In the end he just massaged the shoulders of the love stricken roommate.

This was the third time this week Mingyu had caught Jihoon stalking the internet presence of his co-worker Seungcheol.

“You could just, you know, talk to him.”

Jihoon looked up in defiance, his neck twisted to look at the boy towering above him. “Like you talk to this Wonwoo character? How long do I have to keep listening to _your_ wining? ‘Oh Jihoonie, he’s so gorgeous. I only have to kill my dog one more time. This time I’ll ask him out for sure.’ Spare me the sermon.”

Mingyu felt defensive. “At least I’m doing _something_. You’re just pining from afar.”

Sulking at the cluttered desktop on the screen, Jihoon said “You don’t understand. He’s still hurting. He keeps making passive aggressive postings about how angels aren’t all they’re talked up to be and such. He had a huge crush on one of them but that white-wing-flapper is now going out with some other guy. And even if he was ready to mingle, who’d want me?”

“Oh come on. You’re super cute,” said Mingyu knowing he wouldn’t get anywhere with that argument.

“Exactly! Who has ever heard of a cute witch? I’m supposed to have a hunchback and a massive nose. Or at least some warts.”

“Those are just unobtainable beauty standards enforced by the mass media to sell you wart cream.”

“But he’s going to want a _real_ witch. I was born cute and with a straight back and smooth skin so I’m doomed to loneliness.”

Sighing, Mingyu retreated. This conversation was going to run in circles just like the last few times they had had the exact same one. “Why couldn’t I get a roommate who’s good at this love game? Like Josh. He’s found some man named Jeonghan and they keep posting all those cheesy couple pics.”

“Jeonghan?” Jihoon rotated his office chair around.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Is he an angel?”

“I think so. What’s your…”

Jihoon cackled madly. Actually he giggled cutely, but Mingyu knew better than to tell him that.

“Perfect,” the witch mumbled.

“I’m not sure I follow?”

“That’s the angel Seungcheol was lusting after. I was in a study group with Joshua. That boy never shuts up about his private life. Oh man, I have _so much_ dirt on dear Joshie. Finally something Cheollie and I can bond over.”

Mingyu left for the kitchen. He had no interest getting dragged into those games.


	2. Jinxed

When had he gotten it in his head that this was a proper back up plan? True, Wonwoo was getting suspicious but would this really make it _more_ believable?

For the past week Mingyu had been grooming a cat. It was one of the stray one’s that roamed the block. He put milk and cat food out and waited for the cat to show up. It even was a black one. Wonwoo’s color scheme.

And every day Mingyu brought the bowls closer to the window, getting the cat more and more in reach.

It had seemed like such a simple idea. But now as he looked down on the fluffy creature, which was munching peacefully and with appetite, there was no way he could go through with it.

Mingyu dropped the butcher knife into the sink where it vanished between a fortress worth of towers of dishes awaiting their cleansing.

What had he been thinking? As if he had ever purposefully harmed a fly. He couldn’t even tell someone they had a terrible haircut, no matter how true it was. He couldn’t take the mean option when talking to an NPC in a video game. He couldn’t ask people for money that  _they owed him_. How was he ever going to slaughter a cat?

He’d have to actually talk to Wonwoo like a normal person. Shudder.

And now he’d have to keep feeding the damn beast, too, because it would expect a full bowl every day and he felt _responsible_.

Jihoon entered. The witch had been glued to his screen all day everyday ever since he had messaged his co-worker Seungcheol. Now he was not only without phone in hand, he looked like he had bad news.

Mingyu feared the worst. If Jihoon had been rejected by his crush he’d have to comfort the small man for days to come. The look on Jihoon’s face was wide eyed and scared.

“Hey Jihoonie, what’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t understand how this could happen. I…”

“Jihoonie, I’m so sorry. There are other fish in the sea, you’ll find someone better who can appreciate you for who you are and-“

“I have a date,” the witch whispered, unbelieving. “Me. A date. Seungcheol asked. To date. Me.”

“Oh… Congrats?”

“I have nothing to wear. I need to get myself a pointy hat. This can’t be real. This can’t be happening.”

“Good luck. Enjoy your date.”

“Shut up, can’t you see I’m panicking?!”

 

***

 

_One day later:_

Alright. Second attempt. This time for real.

Mingyu poured cat food in the bowl. Just in time before the stray feline was going to come looking for its daily, easy meal.

While Jihoon was running back and forth through the apartment in preparation for his date – occasionally screeching -, the taller boy pried open a bottle of vermin poison.

“That’ll teach you, dang freeloader,” he mumbled as he held the open bottle over the dry mush. It was just then that the cat showed up. The small semi-wild animal’s big, hungry eyes looked in through the kitchen window, dashing back and forth between Mingyu and the filled bowl.

“Oh come on. How am I supposed to kill you if you keep looking at me like this?”

He wasn’t going to hurt it permanently. But still, the poisoning couldn’t be comfortable. Perhaps even painful. Apparently, he could only kill animals when they weren’t looking at him.

It would have to be Snowball again. He shoved the food outside for the cat to enjoy and mumbled to himself.

“And I call myself a dog person.”

 

***

 

“Well, here goes nothing.”

Mingyu looked through the rear few mirror one last time. This was perhaps the most contrived scenario yet, with him putting the dog’s food bowl in the driveway. But Snowball wasn’t about to fall asleep on his own, despite the late hour.

It wasn’t a routine exactly, but Mingyu felt a hundred times less nervous than when he had killed on purpose for the first time. He figured that wasn't a good sign by any stretch but what was he to do about it?

He put his foot on the pedal. His hands would have been shaking had he not gripped the steering wheel like he wanted to crush it to a pulp.

Tire screeching. A dull thump. A yap. Silence.

“I’m so sorry.”

Mingyu fought back a tear or two. He hated the sound of his dog dying. He hated how flustered he got around Wonwoo. He hated his inability to get it over with – either get a date or a rejection.

Just as he got out of his car he saw somebody else walk towards the building. The man, who was neither tall nor short, had a jawline and torso shape that emanated testosterone.

It was easy to guess who that man was.

“You’re Seungcheol?”

“Yes, hi. You must be Mingyu. And uh… Wow. Like, did you just kill your dog?”

“Ha, yeah. I’m so clumsy.”

“…Looked like you totally saw him before you-“

“Jihoon is inside, don’t let him wait. He spent four hours looking up wine before picking a bottle.”

“Oh, great. I’ll bring him to a nice restaurant later. And I’ll bring him home even later, after that.”

“Good. Now get going, I have to call a necromancer.”

 

***

 

“You can’t be serious.”

“Ha, I know, right? I’m such a klutz.”

“No,” said Wonwoo a little annoyed, “I don’t think this is funny. I’m starting to think you are doing this on purpose. I just have no idea why. If I figure out you torture animals – without a license from Dark Lordship Inc. – I’ll have to report you.”

“What no, I- I just… Okay look I know this is really bad and maybe you’ll think I’m weird because of my reason but I _have_ a reason.”

“And that would be?”

Wonwoo looked at him with those deep, dark eyes framed by flawlessly applied eyeliner and that glorious fringe half hanging over them. His face took on that dreamy expression that Mingyu kept seeing in his literal dreams.

‘I could ask him out right now,’ Mingyu though. ‘I could, if I open my mouth and say the words I would really have asked him out. After I say the words. Or any words. I need to talk already. _Holy f***, this is awkward. What am I doing?_ ’

With a sigh, Wonwoo turned away, apparently not expecting an answer to follow the five seconds of intently-staring-at-each-other. Wonwoo sighed a lot, Mingyu noticed. Probably only in the presence of incessantly stupid dog murderers.

It took all of five minutes during which Mingyu said an amount of exactly zero words until Snowball was back on his legs, licking the food bowl empty as if nothing had happened.

Wonwoo was packing up. Now or never. Deeeeeeeeeeep breath.

“ _JeonWonwooDoYouWannaGoOutWithMe_?!?!”

A window shattered.

Jihoon descended on his witch broom. He didn’t land gracefully because he didn’t care to land at all. He smashed onto the ground and jumped in front of Mingyu, the broom cast aside. His eyes were bloodshot.

“Help! Help me!”

“Wha-?”

“Seungcheol is dead.”


	3. Act Three - Enchanted

The puddle of blood caused by the gaping wound in Seungcheol’s skull was still getting bigger when the trio arrived back inside. Jihoon was walking in circles so small he was basically rotation on the spot. Wonwoo looked worried but fairly calm, technically not involved with the situation.

Mingyu tried hard to be distanced and rational. But the blood was staining his favorite carpet. It had dog motives. Also there was a warm human corpse in his living room.

“What the f***, Jihoon.”

“I panicked. It’s _his_ fault.”

“How?! How can you panic like that? What did he do?”

“He… Well, first he asked if he could kiss me. I mean not immediately. He said I was really cute and how hard it was to meet witches that don’t care about modern beauty standards and, I mean, that was all really sweet but then he asked me to kiss him.”

“And?”

“I kissed him.”

“And?!”

“And he kissed me back.”

“ _And!_ ”

“And I panicked.”

“Jihoon!”

The small, anxious man grabbed Wonwoo by the collar to the great surprise of the necromancer. “You can fix that, right? Please.”

Wonwoo did his best to sound calm but he was clearly aware that he could join the passed away date mate on the floor if he made too many missteps. “Look, I’m just a veterinary assistant. I rez pets sometimes but-“

“Seungcheol is just like a big puppy, I swear. If I have to get a human necromancer, he’s gonna have to file a report and Seungcheol will sue me and-“

Wonwoo pried himself free from the witch’s grip. “I’m sorry. Humans are complicated. You pump a dog full of Élan Vital and it’s back on four legs. But humans have souls. It’s like… this whole _thing_. I dunno, I dropped out after one semester.”

Mingyu pinched the necromancer’s collar and took him out into the corridor. Jihoon stayed behind, sunken to the ground, swaying back and forth.

 

***

 

“Wonwoo, is there really nothing you can do? I get it if it’s not your area of expertise, but do you perhaps know someone who can help without raising any alarms? I swear Jihoon isn’t dangerous. I’ll do anything.”

“Look I… Alright, fine. There’s no one who’d help you without telling on Jihoon. I’ve never rez’d a human, but I suppose… If it goes wrong we can still call in an expert. Let’s just hope we don’t unleash a possession upon the world or create a ghoul or- You know what, let’s just get it over with.”

“Thank you Wonwoo. Thank you a thousand times.”

“Yeah, yeah. But you have to help. I can’t do this on my own. And keep the weirdo witch off my case.”

 

***

 

The main problem wasn’t the resurrection ritual. No, the main problem was doing it in secret. The Necromancer Union didn’t look favorably upon those who operated outside the taxable side of business. And, certainly, the Dark Police wouldn’t either.

Wonwoo was roaming through the kitchen drawers with Mingyu standing idly by, feeling a bit useless. The veterinarian-of-all-things-dead collected clean silver spoons.

“Here’s the plan, puppy boy. There’s really only one way to do it. The Darkest of Dark Lords can track rituals no matter where they happen, but only the newfangled, fancy ones that go by the book. If we do it the old school way and wing it, we’re flying under the radar. You don’t have any quartz crystals, do you? Didn’t think so. Hand me the salt.”

Mingyu barely recognized the man opening cupboards before him. It was as if Wonwoo had taken on an entirely different personality. He was commanding, in charge and dominant. Mingyu felt the heat rise in his cheeks and his blood flow redirect. Getting told what to do hadn’t been on the list of things he liked. It was now.

Not daring to move Seungcheol for fear of worsening his condition, they didn’t drag his body into a suitable position. Instead they rearranged the furniture around him to give the necromancer space. The sofa pushing was Mingyu’s task. Jihoon outlined his date with salt and prepared the candles. Since they didn’t have enough candles he had to cut the existing one’s in half and pluck away at the wax until the lower half’s wick was usable.

Wonwoo put down all the things he needed.

“Since I’m no full-fledged human necromancer, I don’t have access to a philosopher’s stone. Or any alchemical equipment for that matter. I’d need that one to bind his soul to the body. We can only hope he hasn’t left yet. In cases of-“ He side-eyed Jihoon, who sat on the sofa, deflated. “-violent, suddenly inflicted unlife that is virtually guaranteed. Confused souls stay behind so long as the body stays where it is.”

He went around the circle of candles lighting them one by one with matches.

“Usually we’d need a circle of flame that’s made of fire all the way through, but we can’t exactly set the apartment ablaze. That leaves his mind fairly unprotected against invading sprits, but after coming by to rez Snowball every few days-,” this time he looked over to Mingyu who leaned in a corner. “-I’d wager we only have very patient spirits left in the area.”

Finally he plopped the spoons in strategic positions like onto the mangled Seungcheol’s hands, chest, brow and belly button.

“You don’t have any crystals of quartz, obsidian, mithril or elder ore so… I’m hoping silver is conductive to dark magic. I know it slurps the unlife-force out of vampires and werewolves, so I’d figure. But honestly, I’m flying blind here.”

Lastly he plopped the 50 cm x 50 cm plastic plane with the standard pentagram on it over the corpse, which was undignified but they didn’t dare to move Seungcheol around as it might make his spirit less likely to find its way back.

“Seriously what kind of witch doesn’t even have a piece of quartz?”

“Hey,” Mingyu interrupted the monologue, “leave Jihoon alone, he’s been through enough. His work is purely theoretical. He has a bachelor’s degree in irrational logic and… well, I have no idea what he does all day, but… I have no ‘but’, he’s terrible to live with, actually.”

Jihoon glared as if he could stare his roommate to death. But he spoke not quite as angrily as he looked. “I’ll do the dishes for a week, okay? It’s not like I killed him on purpose. Unlike you who keeps slaughtering the same animal over and over because you’re a chicken.”

“I wouldn’t have to kill the same animal all the time if you got yourself a proper familiar like a toad or a bat. I’d have options.”

Wonwoo badly masked his chuckling as a cough and got up from his spoon distribution position.

“Gentlemen, I need absolute silence for what come’s next. Let’s all hope Seungcheol _wants_ to come back. All I can do is keep the channels open. The rest is up to him.”

Mingyu joined the smaller man on the sofa and watched intently as the sexy death-mage went into a trance, mumbling the usual mumbo jumbo about offering his soul to the eternal lord of damnation and all the unholy outgrowths of the horrific depths of hell. He had beautifully delicate hands, Mingyu decided.

It took a good ten minutes during which Jihoon got more and more restless, his right leg bouncing and his hands fiddling with the cushion seams. Mingyu himself was quite apprehensive but mostly enjoyed the opportunity to be close to his crush and hoped to see another lip bite from Wonwoo.

The necromancer’s brow furrowed. “I think it’s happening,” he whispered.

Softly glowing in a threatening red, the pentagram competed with the candles to light up the room as spookily as possible. Seungcheol twitched a tiny bit. Had Mingyu not looked at the dead guy’s fingers coincidentally he would have missed it.

With a hoarse scream the corpse sat up, refilled with life.

Wonwoo jumped back, yelping in surprise. Mingyu and Jihoon both stood up, screaming in shock. Seungcheol opened his eyes and groaned loudly. Basically, everyone made undignified noises.

“What…” said the former dead person.

“You’re alive!” Jihoon dashed forward and hugged his date. “I’m so sorry I hit you over the head and you died. But look, you’re not dead anymore. There’s no reason to hate me or sue or call off the date.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You killed me? So _that_ was what being dead is like?”

Suddenly Wonwoo grabbed Jihoon’s collar and pulled him away. “Stand back. Something’s wrong. I didn’t bring him back, I don’t think so. This isn’t Seungcheol.”

The trio of people who hadn’t been dead until recently stared in horror. The ensuing silence was broken by Seungcheol who stood up slowly. “Actually, it _is_ me. But um… I’m different now.”

“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked carefully.

“You know Jun from work?”

“The guy who flirts with everyone and everything?”

“I had unprotected intercourse with him. I mean I _did_ wear a condom, just not… a neck protector.”

“What does that… wait,” Jihoon’s eyes widened. “Jun’s a vampire?”

“Yep. He bit me in the heat of the moment, but only a little. He said I wouldn’t turn unless I died. I was going to tell you eventually. I just didn’t expect to die on the first date.”

Jihoon chuckled. “Yeah. Sorry, I usually don’t kill before the third.”

“Not funny.”

“Sorry.”

Wonwoo went to fold up his pentagram plane. “Well if that’s all. I’ll leave you with this mess.”

Seungcheol turned to see what was on the floor. “Holy f***! Is that all _my_ blood?”

“Sure is.” The necromancer packed what belonged to him and walked to the door, passing the sofa where Mingyu still stood, again unsure where to put his hands and how to balance the weight of his lanky body.

“Thank you for the help, Wonwoo.”

“No problem.”

“…Goodbye, have a nice evening.”

The animal – and now human – resurrecter hesitated at the exit before turning around.

“By the way, the answer is yes.”

“Huh?”

“I will go out with you. There’s no doubt you owe me dinner after this. Call me tomorrow.”

“O-Okay.”

“And Mingyu?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t kill anymore dogs.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? I sure don’t know. But there you have it. Please give me some feedback. I really want to know what kind of terrible degenerate would read a story like. (Just kidding, I love you all.)  
> Next up: Meanie go on a date.


	4. Act Four - Devotion

Wonwoo wore a black leather choker for the date. In addition to the usual eyeliner. It had never been harder to focus on a conversation.

Mingyu wondered if all the exposure to the dark mage across the table was to blame for his fantasies lately. Surely, he couldn’t latently have been so freaky all along.

The two young men were seated in a cozy booth, a candle between them and elegant water glasses beside. There was no lack of footwell but with them both being fairly tall, their legs inadvertently brushed against each other every now and then. It wasn’t on purpose of course. (It totally was).

Wonwoo had just finished another exhilarating tale of his time in the student dorm of Miskatonic University. The usual flurry of drinking, casual sex, partying and satanic sacrifice rites.

“-so Mandy and Sandy thought they could cure their hangover preemptively, but they were so out of it, they messed up the runic alignment, like, hard. Both got acne _for weeks_.”

Mingyu chuckled politely. Not that he wasn’t entertained, he just had no background in draining goat blood beyond the average layman’s knowledge and it had been difficult to follow the story after that.

The necromancer in casual – but still black – clothes put his hand on the table. “Oh, by the way. How’s Snowball?”

Mingyu also put his hand down. Very close to the other’s. He wanted the skin contact – desperately. But there was the tingling in his neck that he had always had before giving a presentation in school. He felt like screaming, being so close to the boy he had barely been able to speak to yesterday when they had resurrected Mister JihoonsDate WhatsHisFace.

“Snowball’s… fine. He just doesn’t seem to trust me anymore. Or cars. And anytime I try to walk him into the driveway he gets a bit antsy. I’ll buy him a steak. Do you think I could order one for him here and have it ‘to go’? I’ve never been here before, but it had good ratings online.”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a pink, small object. “Actually, I was thinking if we should have our first date at the dog park. Look I even packed the squeaky toy.”

Mingyu squeezed the plastic bone and made the high pitched noise echo from the walls. That was louder than anticipated. Heads turned. He dropped it on the table and acted as if he was looking for the source of the sound.

Wonwoo laughed at him openly. “You’re quite something Kim Mingyu.”

“Quite what exactly?”

“Hm,” Wonwoo mumbled as he scratched his neck – drawing all the attention to the tight choker that made his skin took so delightfully kissable right there. “I think you’re the embodiment of a dog person.”

“Huh? Alright, go on.” Mingyu said, glowing with pride.

“You’re just… such a puppy. Kind of very smart, but also really, really, _really_ stupid. There is an aura of naiveté about you.”

“Wait, you can see auras?”

“Oh no, that’s a light magic thing. I was speaking metaphorically.”

“Alright. Proceed. I hope that wasn’t the end of me getting complements.”

“I don’t know you well, but I bet you’re endlessly loyal to those who treat you right. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, whether you’re happy, dismal or mad. If you thought you were being sleek those past few weeks, nope. I’ve seen threw you on day one. T’was cute, even though I sometimes felt like I was scolding you. …And there are these little exaggerations you do. I don’t know if you ever noticed that about yourself. Like an excitable little doggy. …And there’s that wagging tale growing out of your back.”

“What?”

“Just testing if you’re still paying attention.”

“Oh. Sorry, that choker is super distracting.”

Wonwoo took the ‘distraction’ off and looked at it as if he was only now realizing its existence. “That old thing? You’d look good in that. Or maybe something with spikes. And a leash.”

“I like where this is going.” Mingyu felt exceptionally courageous after being showered with niceties. “While we’re doing premature pillow talk. What’s missing in that picture is - _Jihoon_!”

“Is he up for that? I thought he was seeing that vampire now.”

“No, look.”

Mingyu pointed at the entrance where his roommate had just entered with his own date. Efforts to hide by sliding down as far as possible without falling off the seat were rendered useless. Jihoon spotted the couple.

The newcomer approached the seated pair. All four men traded hellos and Jihoon went to a table two over. Together with …what was his name again? Something-cheol.

Leaning in, Mingyu whispered “I’m sorry if this night ends in disaster.”

“Oh, come on. He’s not going to kill that guy again, is he? As my professor of arcane evocation always said: YODO - You only die once. After that you’ve usually learned how to avoid it. How bad can Jihoon be?”

“You have no idea…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything will be totes fine and they will have a regular, boring evening. For sure. Yep.


	5. Act Five - Yearning

On a rational level Mingyu knew that it was a terrible first-date-idea to rant and rave about how much his roommate drove him up the walls.

On a rational level he also knew he should just have turned this into a funny anecdote and moved on to something more pleasant.

On a much more basic level, the steamroller was on a downhill slope and the brakes were gone.

“Jihoon is unbearable. First there’s the nagging. ‘Mingyu I can’t reach. Mingyu get this off the top shelf for me. Mingyu stop scratching your butt, we’re in public. Mingyu why do you leave your socks everywhere. Mingyu if you snot into my shirt one more time, I swear to Azathoth, you’ll regret it.’ Ugh, it never ends.”

Wonwoo grinned to himself and made no effort to interrupt the rambling.

“Then there’s the _incessant_ whining. ‘This boy won’t love me back. He doesn’t even know I exist. No, I won’t talk to him or do anything. If you had cornflakes you should have left the milk out for me, you’re so rude. Why do you never lend me your sweaters, there’s so comfy. Why did you leave the milk out, so had to put it away, I don’t care that you had cornflakes. What do you mean I should give you back your sweater, that’s always been mine. You’re so rude.’ Seriously, it’s like living with a toddler. And people tell _me_ I’m childish.”

The necromancer nodded in agreement – perhaps mostly with the last sentence.

“But that’s not even half of it. What has me go nuts is the insecurities. He thinks just because he doesn’t look like all those witches in the magazines he’s a sack of potatoes. Never mind that they’re all photoshopped into oblivion and back. He straight up rubbed toads on his face for a month but the warts just wouldn’t come. I feel for him, I really do, but there comes a point, you know, where I have to be, like, Jihoon, accept yourself the way you are or I’ll mess you up, cause I can’t take this anymore. Ughhhh!”

Wonwoo gave a small round of applause. “Ten out of ten. Would listen again.”

Mingyu’s worst fear came to pass, before he could answer. Well, maybe not his worst fear, since everyone around still had their blood on their insides. But the conversation on the table two over was definitely rising in volume.

“And stop calling me cute,” said Jihoon with a voice that was as loud as a shout but as hissing as a whisper. He wasn’t trying to get everyone’s attention. He just naturally did.

“But Ji-honey,” Seungcheol said, quieter, “That’s something I love about you. I know you have some issues to work thr-“

“Issues? Excuse you?”

“Okay, sorry. Bad choice of words. But I really like your cuteness. I’m aware that you don’t like that aspect of yourself – maybe you even hate yourself for that part of you - but I hope you can at least come to accept that someone else might find exactly that endearing.”

Mingyu and Wonwoo didn’t bother to hide their interest, they just tried not to stare. Most other patrons were listening in, too.

“But… I don’t get what you see in me. There are so many witches that look right.” Jihoon struggled with his thoughts. He kept looking at the table, poking his food. “All grotesque and terrifying and… witchy. I’m worried that… You’re not a cuteness-fetishist, are you? Cause I want to be seen as more than just that. I have accomplishments, you know. And a personality. Maybe too much personality at times.”

“Ji-honey, look at me.”

It was as if the entire restaurant was holding its collective breath before Seungcheol continued.

“I like that you’re cute. And I like that you’re smart. And I like the way you do everything so carefully. Seriously, I’ve never met anyone who folds their clothes before putting them in the washing machine.”

Jihoon’s features softened in a way Mingyu hadn’t known they could. The boy-witch let go of the cutlery and put his hands on the table.

There was an oddly delayed reflex in Mingyu to jump up and prevent what inevitably unfolded. Seungcheol was misinterpreting the signal the way a sensible person would. Jihoon didn’t do ‘sensible’.

The moment Seungcheol took his date’s hands in his own it happened – unprepared skin contact.

Jihoon screeched and threw himself back. While falling backwards in his chair, he slapped his drink into Seungcheol’s face – including the glass. The sound of a boy’s back and his chair impacting on the floor – followed by the sound of glass shattering – initiated complete silence. Nobody even moved.

After about ten seconds of that, Jihoon bolted up and speed-walked out of the restaurant, hands turned into fists, firmly at his sides, with his shoulders pulled up.

With the show over, people returned to their dishes.

“We should go over to vampire guy, shouldn’t we?” Wonwoo pointed his thumb. “Just pat him on the back or something.”

“Sigh. I guess.”

“Did you just say ‘sigh’ out loud?”

“…Do you remember his name?”

 

***

 

Wonwoo let Mingyu do the talking.

“Vampire guy?”

“Seungcheol,” the man said without looking up. He was still napkin-tapping the wetness off his shirt.

“Right. Look, Jihoon’s a bit explosive. It’s not your fault.”

“Oh I know. I’ve been his coworker for a while. Just, didn’t know about the no touching rule. I figured that kid would be a piece of work. Do you suppose I should go after him, or give him space?”

Mingyu scrunched his face. “Just show up on the doorstep. If he opens he want to talk. Don’t worry if you get the door in your face a few times, just knock again after ten seconds. As long as he opens the first time, he actually wants to hear what you have to say.”

“Thank, mate. I guess I’ll pay for this mess and be on my way.”

Seungcheol rose and walked towards the register. The remaining two daters watched him leave, still at the disaster table.

“Hey,” Mingyu said, “They already got their food. How unfair, we were here fifteen minutes earlier. I’ll leave a four out of five review at most.”

He picked up the fork and enjoyed a few bites of Jihoon’s food that the witch had poked into an unrecognizable hotchpotch. His brow furrowed. There was a taste he didn’t recognize. Except he did. He had tasted it once. And never again.

The boy straightened up, looking right at his date. With a look of intense panic in his eyes he whispered. “Peanuts.”

Fork in hand - and a piece of lettuce between his teeth – the man fell backwards, lifeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh sorry, did you expect something else?


	6. Act Six - Sentiment

Wonwoo felt emo.

It had been a while since there was a moment where he’d have used that descriptor. Back in the day it had seemed like a logical choice to go dark. He could have chosen to serve the light side, sure. Even if the color scheme wasn’t his thing. But the Satanic Overlords of the Midnight Circle had been persuasive. ‘Come to the dark side’, they said, ‘We have the superior pension package. You’re investing in your future.’

Influencing luck was a trait of the light. It seemed like a triviality at the time. But Wonwoo was convinced that on the day he picked sides, for reasons unknown, the Powers That Be had conspired against him. ‘Hello,’ they said, ‘We’re the force of destiny and we haven’t screwed over Wonwoo for five minutes so let’s fix that.’ There was no better explanation.

But he couldn’t sulk yet. There was something to be done.

“Excuse me, waiter? My date died from a peanut.”

“Oh dear. Does anyone here have an EpiPen or a Staff of Asclepius?”

“Never mind that, he’s proper dead.”

“Oh dear, oh dear. Is there a necromancer in the house?”

“I’m a necromancer, actually.”

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.”

With the patronage enjoying the spectacle in the middle of the floor, Wonwoo waited patiently until a staff member carried the first aid kit over. Together they unraveled the cables of the defibrillator and tugged the Kirlian-Sensor on Mingyu’s finger.

Wonwoo stared at the tiny screen on the device where Mingyu’s soul’s Coronagramm should have been. Should have.

“Must be broken,” mumbled the waiter.

Seeing dire portents, Wonwoo tried to run a test. He produced a Darkspark.

It was simple, he only had to focus on a certain type of thought – drowning kittens, eating puppies, kicking babies, setting hospitals on fire, putting pineapple slices on perfectly good pizza. That kind.

In his gloomy mood, that was no trouble at all.

He fired the Darkspark at his date and received… nothing. There was no soul that would have blocked and diffracted the black magic. This was bad.

While the waiter called emergency services, Wonwoo fingered Mingyu’s pockets. Being the trusting and naïve boy he was, Mingyu didn’t have a pin code on his phone.

The horribly overwhelmed necromancer called the only person in the contact list he recognized, who was incidentally the only person who might know what’s going on.

“Hello?” Jihoon sounded short of breath. Had he been doing anything athletic? No matter.

“It’s me, Wonwoo. Do you know if Mingyu has any weird soul things going on? Did he mention having Thin Veil Syndrome, for example?”

There were odd slurping noises in the background. Jihoon whispered to someone before answering. “Look, I don’t know about any of that. If there’s something wrong with his soul you should just ask him. I caaaaaaa hng!”

The boy on the phone moaned loudly. He was clearly holding the phone away from himself but he might as well not have bothered.

“Jihoon? What’s happening with-“

“Nothing! Is that all? I’d like to go back to- _ouch_! Seungcheol, no biting.”

It appeared the source of the smoothing noises was indubitably engagement in intimate pleasures. They must have worked through their touch issues at lightning speed. It was unreal. But the heat of argument and reconciliation did wonders to one’s libido. Wonwoo had his own experiences.

“Do you know by any chance how to find an escaped soul?”

“Shouldn’t you know that, necromaaaaaa urgnh!”

“I only do animals. They don’t have those.”

“Oh, right. There’s an app that uses the phones accelerometer to measure the morphic field resonance.”

“I know that one. That doesn’t help.”

“There’s another app for- _Seungcheol. No. Biting_.”

The call disconnected.

 

***

 

Wonwoo slapped his forehead. The fork. Mingyu was still holding onto the fork. The sliver had interacted with the unlife. It tried to flood the body upon death but the silver had acted as a drain flushing everything with it. Mingyu’s soul must have been sucked into the aether. Which was good news.

“Is it okay if I trance here? I think I can find him on the Other Side.”

The waiter was unsure but didn’t care to pester management about it.

Reclining against a piece of décor, Wonwoo closed his eyes and began to chant internally. The whole spiel of ‘dear Great Abyss, please let me in and I’ll sacrifice you something nice later, blabla’.

It took some five minutes or so, but eventually Wonwoo could feel his spiritual substrate oozing into the surrounding, his perception leaving the fragile mortal husk behind, expanding into the aether.

He opened his third eye. Well, the other two regular one’s also. But not with his physical body.

‘Alright,’ he thought, ‘where did you go? Don’t tell me you bailed on our date just cause you died. That’s rude.’

There were the souls of the other patrons, all pretty much tied to their mortal shells with varying degrees of strength. The occasional odd demon was fluttering about, as public places tended to collect some emotional baggage. The restaurant’s very own house spirit was looming over the establishment, near the ceiling, not too concerned with the events as long as regular service wasn’t interrupted. Finally, there was a human guy slumped up in a corner alone, whose emotions were getting drained by some eldritch abomination digging its tentacles into his metaphysical skull. Gross, but not Wonwoo’s problem.

An abandoned soul was nowhere to be found. Mingyu must indeed have left. What a pile of trouble.

Hollow, echo-y barking resounded through the aether. Wonwoo looked down and found a semi-transparent Labrador trying to jump up his legs. Its hide glistened in the dim omnidirectional shimmer of the Other Side.

“Hi? Who are _you_? I never knew demons had pets, too. I wonder if they need a veterinarian necromancer. Could use some more business.”

The Labrador wagged its tail in excitement and ran around the place a bit, always looking back at Wonwoo, expectantly.

“What do you want from me? You haven’t seen a boy’s loose soul here recently, have you? He’s about yee tall.”

Staring with its dark eyes, the Labrador cocked its head to the side.

Wonwoo sighed. “Didn’t believe any help would come from you. Fine, might as well entertain you.”

He reached into Mingyu’s pocket and withdrew the pink squeaky toy’s metaphysical mirror imprint. The dog went crazy with glee.

“Alright, alright. I thought you might like that. Fetch!”

He threw the plastic bone in a wide arc, the creature hunting it down the moment it hit the ground. Dutifully he carried it back with a bit of ectoplasmic drool on it.

Wonwoo kneeled down to take the toy back. The dog dropped the item off and looked up again. It had a look of undying loyalty in its expression. A familiar look.

Something clicked in Wonwoo’s head.

“Wait, is that possible? Are you… Mingyu?”

Uncanny barking echoed from the substanceless non-walls around.

“You are! By Azathoth, Mingyu, you’ve been a latent Were-Labrador all along. Guess your transformation was never triggered. Well, full moons will be a bit different for you from now on.”

He pointed at the corpse. “Hop in boy. Go on. See you on the flipside.”

The spectral dog looked back and forth between the pointing finger and the dead husk, barked again and jumped. Its substance dissipated perfectly into the human body.

Wonwoo opened his actual eyes.

Mingyu was coughing and rubbing his temples, but quite alive. He sat up and tried to gain some orientation. “Won…woo?”

“Yes?”

“Did that really happen?”

“Yup.”

“Were-Labrador?”

“Explains some things doesn’t it?”

The necromancer grinned and got up to help his date to a standing position. They hugged and got applause from a few patrons not currently busy cutting, scooping or chewing.

An employee came back from the kitchen and assumed the newly risen man to be a zombie or ghoul. Before the daters knew what was happening he had broken the glass of the ‘In case of spiritual emergency’ case and dowsed them with holy water, lightly stinging Wonwoo as it reacted with his darkness.

The couple decided to take their meals to go. Dessert didn’t seem worth the wait. Thanks to the holy water incident they didn’t have to pay for their drinks.

Mingyu gave the restaurant a four star review and only felt a little bad about it.

 

***

 

“So…” said Mingyu, hugging his date’s hip as the two strolled down the road. “To your place or mine?”

“I think Jihoon and that other guy are um… using your place.”

“Fine with me. Yours it is.”

Wonwoo chuckled. “Actually I think we should get you registered as a Were-being right away …and maybe chipped. Perhaps get you a collar and a leash on the way.”

“As long as I’m not getting neutered.”

Wonwoo pulled the resurrected man close. “Now why would I do _that_ to myself?”

Their long kiss was interrupted by their constant giggling, but the night was young and they had all the time they wanted. No need to rush.

 

**THE END**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what a fine ending point, am I right? Making horrible things light-hearted is hard. I’ve lost track of who hasn’t died yet. Congrats for seeing it through, dear reader. May you never be visited by the eldritch horror that sucks your emotions out of your skull.


End file.
